How to Get a New Dishwasher and Princess asked "Is Santa Real"

So Happy Weekend everyone and in the infamous words of CHF, per FB, " There arent enough days in the weekend" 
This weekend flew by...Some Christmas shopping..done<<ly
wants a new puter but doesn't want me to pick it out cause I'll get the wrong one.   WTF....Gift card for Hubby! CHECK
 Gift cards are brilliant by the way...I pick the store they pick what they want....so my Son also got a gift card!   I do plan to go get him a punching bag and I bought him some jeans.

I have my brother in law to buy for and the man my other sister is living in sin with.  At Turkey day we drew names for a gift exchange...sorta...there was wine involved...we drew names then some people didnt want their names in the drawing then they did then, we drew names then no one wanted to do it...We went home...BUT the name drawing was not for not, after I left baby sister called me and said the name draw gift exchange was ON!   like Donkey Kong.   I have to tell Hubby it is on  *sigh*

Hubby may not want to spend more money right now because

1.) I got a new dishwasher! On Saturday my dishwasher puked all over the kitchen..not without warning...it was trying to tell me for a week it did not feel well...plus Hubby kept calling her bad names...so she died.  The funeral was quick:  Hubby could not get it out of the house fast enough.  There were many versions of the F-Bomb being dropped  <<< that was my cue...so I texted a friend to get some strawberries and meet me at my Baby sisters house STAT...I've got wine!! Some hours later, Hubby bought the biggest and best dishwasher and installed it...by eleven p.m. I had a load of dishes in!!

2.)Mom-in-Law got a new TV.  Hubby bought his dad a new tv last year and he felt he had to get his mom one...so he did.

3.) HE STILL HAS TO GET MY GIFT!!! Trust me he tried to say the new dishwasher was my gift...then I flipped out.  He now understands that if I have no gift under the tree to open come Christmas morning....life will be really bad....Happy Wife....Happy Life.  Read this Hubby

This brings me to the question no parent wants to hear. Not really.

While Hubby is cursing up a storm in the kitchen Princess sits next to me on the couch.                             She says:
"Mom, this is real talk. I don't want you to lie to me I just want to know the truth and this is serious, Is Santa Real?" 

jawdropped....I yelled for Hubby.

I turned to Hubby and said to Princess "Go ask your daddy that question"
People there isn't enough wine in the world.   Princess is our last child and we need to extend this farce for as long as we can!  We need the Christmas magic!!   AND I just bought the damn   ELF ON THE SHELF to help me keep some magic in the house!!  Once Santa isn't real then innocence is gone...there goes the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, cupid, leprechaun. No more Magic, No more Elfs, No more traps (see the awesomeness of this trap! )

Hubby handled it nicely I think:
He said to Princess :" Of course there is a Santa!!  Do you think I wrap all those gifts and put them  under the tree??  I don't have time to do all that!  Of course there is a Santa!  Who is telling you there isn't??  There is a Santa!"
Princess jumped up into Hubby's arms and said:  "I love you Daddy!"
Maybe she will know the truth next year....JUST A MAYBE.

                            

12 Things I want for Christmas

This year I truly have no idea what I want for Christmas.  Of course there are things that I want for the house...like carpet...painting and a new table and chairs and a pan rack and a wine glass rack and a new fluffy couch...that I can sleep on...rooms built in the basement....can not wait to have a storage room in the basement.  But for me..I've no idea *shrug shoulders*
So I've been thinking.  I don't need anything.  I'm not much into "things", don't really wear make up (cause pretty girls don't need make-up), I have too many clothes and too many shoes. *sigh* It is hard to think of things you want when you have always ask for just the things you need.  I decided to get more princess about it and think what do I want.

So here goes:

1.  A Pandora Bracelet:

First of all it is way cute!  It's a grown up charm bracelet.  The beads are expensive enough....but they all hold "meaning".  I,  for one,  am all for having more meaning in life.

I could learn to about all the charms and change them all the time to make it match everything!!

2. True Religion Jeans:

Why not??  In high school I never got to have Jordash jeans, so really I've been saving up for years....

My jeans are always on sale.  I don't think I have EVER paid full price on jeans for me, so I think I would like a pair of $300 jeans. 

3. Diamonds:

Diamonds are a girls best friend. Maybe earrings or a necklace.

4. A New Car:

My vehicle is crying to be replaced.   It is pushing forward and getting me to work each day, but she is tired.  A new car would be awesome!!  Smooth driving, something that is fuel efficient, any color would do except tan.

5.Perfume:

I have no idea what kind, something expensive that I would never buy myself.  Suggestions?

6. A Watch:

I'd like a black leather band with a small round face watch, one that I could wind up and the was classic.  Not a Mickey Mouse watch but something like that.

7. A Trip To Disney World.

I loved going so much!!  They have opened a new park within the magic kingdom and I know I would just love it!!  So would Princess!!!   I miss this!!!

We all loved it.  We need this.  We miss this.

8. An Amazon Gift Card:

With lots of zeros!!! I really really really want to put some books on my Kindle.  There are a lot that I need to read.  Plus if there is anything I see on Amazon that I want at the moment I could just use my gift card and buy it, right then and there.

9. Spa Gift Certificate:

I need a massage...who doesn't?  Plus it is some alone time....wait a minute

10. Some ALONE Time!!!

enough said about that one.  pffffft

11. A New Phone:

My cell phone is ancient...I've had it for years. (that's plural cause it has been many years) I want to talk to my phone and make it call me Queen or something cool like that. I also hear that I can tell the phone to text something and for anyone who knows me, CHF, I can't really text well.  So if I could talk to the phone and have it text for me so that I really dont have to talk to the person I text HOW FREAKIN AWESOME WOULD THAT BE!?!?!

12. World Peace:

The rest of this list is but a dream....so why not some world peace.  :)  

**waving my hand like Ms. USA

The Walking Dead, Drug Abuse and Depression

I get feeling depressed....but to me it is a fleeting emotion.  Much like happy or sad...or wanting to kill the Elf on the Shelf.  I think I understand what the person feels, I just do not understand how the person cannot get past that hump to where  it gets better.  Like the song says I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I have felt down, overwhelmed (hell right now I feel overwhelmed), even felt that sometimes it could never get worse.  Then it does or doesn't get worse and I'm no worse for the wear. *insert rainbows and butterflies here*
So I do what any normal person does who does not understand something....I goggled it. :)
Yeah that was no help.   I just don't get it.  Google says it can get really bad and lead to suicide. But it is not something you can help someone with...they have to help themselves.  Thanks Google.  It did mention a few times that depression can lead to drug abuse.  Shut the front door!  Makes perfect sense.  If I thought all was lost anyways why not just abuse drugs? Live life like a zombie.  << I say this because I've known some people that abuse drugs...they all have a common look and now that I have watched the first season of The Walking Dead (I know. I'm slow. I am 40) I can say  with certainty "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa are zombies!" These Zombies are making genetically engineered salmon!!  Have you read about this??? 
Anyways back to what I was saying about not understanding how anyone would ever chose to look like a zombie? which is after all what happens when you abuse drugs... you look like The Walking Dead.  Just say NO. 

Ain't to proud to beg for some comments....

More Elf on the Shelf antics....

Elfie has moved about the house....I've forgotten to move her twice.   Which has made me get on Hubby to move the damn Elf too.  He is taller than I am so Elfie has landed on the ceiling fan twice, the second time yesterday and that is the last time she will be on the ceiling fan.  *eyesrolling**
 Princess in her infinite wisdom decided to show her little cousin some stuff.  I knew when the bedroom door closed that something was going to happen...but they were so quite...yeah my second clue.  Until I heard my nephew say "Oh NO she is going to fall!"  (insert third clue here)  So I get up to go in there, I open the bedroom door,  there is Princess standing on a step stool that she had on the top of her table spinning the ceiling fan!  Elfie is hanging on for dear life!!! 
Nephew is saying "If she falls how are we going to pick her up if we can't touch her."
Princess is saying "I'll grab two plates and scoop her up!"
I yell: "What the hell are you doing!!!!!!!!!!"

Princess: "Trying to see if we can scare her and make her fly around the room."

Well played Princess....well played.

So I tell Elfie "I hope you tell Santa all about this."

What did I do???
I closed the door and said "if you fall you're going to bust your head open, probably need stitches then."

Did I yet mention Princess is a hypochondriac??

20 days and counting

Christmas trees, Elves and Magic Oh My!

We've put up the tree, yes it is fake cause it is just easier to handle. The princess and I made two strings of popcorn garland, they are short but they are there!! I bought the best thing ever..a plug in fragrance warmer.  my house smells like sugar cookies. I hung the stockings with care, however the little sticky things obviously cannot handle our over sized stockings with the cool characters on them.  Each year we hope our stockings are stuffed :)  Prince hung up the outdoor lights. My bushes are all bright. 
Then I bought an Elf on the Shelf, what the f(&**^ was I thinking??  Let me tell you why I bought into the story.  There I was shopping at Target and I had passed the end cap full of elves.  It's always caught my eye but I never could bring myself to buy one.  I could not bring myself to buy a child's book for $25.  I mean I did not know the whole story. I DID NOT KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE TO MOVE THE DAMN THING EACH AND EVERY NIGHT TO ADD THE MAGIC IN OUR HOME!!!!!! I admit it was an added responsibility I did not know about.  Plus now that I've crossed over into The Fortyhood my memory isn't quite all there.  So yeah, I past the end cap of elves when I heard a Target employee say to someone else, "I have four girl elves left in the back...let me go get them." Girl elves??  The Shelf Elf has a female doll??  Who knew??  Not I.  SO I found myself walking back to the end cap...there they sat....a Elf on the Shelf with a skirt on!! I could not resist.  My brain told me NO!, but the damn Christmas spirit (not Target marketing) got to me and I just had to get one for princess....still standing my ground on not spending $25 for a book I opted for the $10 dvd.  I did a little jig in the store.
We get home Princess is all over the elf...even removed the coveted skirt.  Pop the DVD in and find out we have to name the Elf and then never touch her again, for if we do she will lose her magic and it is her magic that enables her to go to Santa, the head Elf, each night to report on Princesses doings.  *sigh* Princess is in tears cause not only has she named her five different times before we knew, Princess has also disrobed her. So in my all-knowing Mommy voice I say "It's okay honey let's put her on the shelf and think of a really good name for her and then never touch her again. She will have her magic."
So we all went to bed.  I had to wake up at three a.m. because I forgot to move the elf. **rollingmyeyes***Then the movement began...from one shelf to the next.  Princess woke all excited...found "Elfie"...all excited..then went to brush her teeth.  She walked out of the bathroom and said "Mom did you move that elf?"
(jaw dropped I felt a moment of disbelief, how could she have known?) What could I do??  I lied.  I said "Absolutely not!   Why would I want her to lose her magic???? " hummmmpppphhh *sigh* *eyesrolling*